weitzman
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Sorry, I can't hangout. My uncle's cousin's sister in law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's pet goldfish died. It was tragic.
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They say couples should never go to bed angry. That’s why married people always look so tired.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
Starbucks isn’t really that expensive when you you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup.
Dating sites should have a section for people to leave a review for the person they went out with.
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
Friend: "Where are you?" You: "Robbing a bank." Friend: "Omg really?" You: "No wtf! You called my house phone where do you think I am?!"
There comes a point during checkout when the gift bag, tissue, ribbon & card all exceed 12 bucks, & I decide that IS your gift.
